An article by Time Magazine claims, yes. Monogamy is dead, people are cheaters and monogamy forces us to have to be liars and cheats. Just after that article, Candace Bushnell (author of Sex in the City) wrote a response article that stated “Monogamy is fine, cheating is endangered”, likely due to the recent leak of Ashley Madison (a cheating site) member names and email addresses.
Candace brings up an important point. She muses “perhaps cheaters could self-identify when they enter monogamist territory”, then gives a pretty funny example that obviously wouldn’t work, however this brings me to the most important point, especially with the work that we do at Love Therapy Center.
There are different strokes for different folks! Each to his(her) own. There is no set rulebook here, everything is in motion. Just as some people are more prone to being introverted or extroverted… people will be more prone to monogamy or polygamy. The problems come into play with the way society and the psyche is set up.
Because we all have this thing called an EGO we constantly and unconsciously make decisions based on what we think will gain others’ approval and acceptance. If most people are being monogamous, which is true in our society, the ego mechanism will take over and blind you from your own truth… especially if you have had any type of wounding in your past. The deeper the wounding the deeper the self-rejection, the more you wind up living a lie. Trying to be monogamous when you are really pologamist. We live all other sorts of lies in this context too, and the deeper the self-deception, the more problems you will experience in your life, ranging from cheating and betrayal to addiction to mental illness and even to physical illness.
The solution both on a personal and a social level is to become more congruent and self-accepting. This takes a particularly strong individual to be able to overcome the Ego’s desire to fit in and be adored because being truthful and honest about who you are, what you are and what makes you happy can be a VERY scary thing… especially if it goes against the grain of what most people are doing… you will have to deal with looks and questions, but the more you are true to you and stay confident and aligned, the more other will come to accept it, both in you and in themselves!!!
