It is a commonly held notion that healthy communication between couples is the most important thing in a relationship. While communication is a critically important component of connection, it is not all there is. More than communication, feeling connected is the true measure of a relationship’s survival and health. A sense of connection in your relationship leads to warmth and understanding, safety and trust – the attributes that help overcome difficulties and conflicts when they arise (and they always will, even in the best of relationships). The good news is that communication is but one way to build connections.

Treating the Relationship as an Individual Entity

Most of Western medicine is finally catching up on the fact that we are more than just our mind, more than just our body, and more than just our spirit (if you believe in such things). The orientation is growing more into one of a holistic / integrated view that mind affects body affects spirit, and so on. It’s not nature vs nurture, it’s both! The same goes when treating couples and relationships. The relationship is greater than the sum of each individual in it. When treating couples and individuals, we look for health in 5 key areas:

• Mind / Psyche / Psychology / Thoughts, etc.
• Body / Physical / Senses / Sensations
• Emotions / Sensations / Love & Fear
• Spirit / Connection to something greater / Higher Self / Energy / Purpose, etc.
• Social / Friends / Community

First it is important to get clear on these pieces within yourself and then share with your partner. Next, find as many ways to connect in as many of these areas as possible. The more ways you can find to connect in any one of these areas, the less it will bother you when you notice times of disconnect.

This connection builds the love, harmony, warmth, understanding, safety and trust, and ultimately leads to long lasting, intimate, healthy relationships.